The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
