guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
