im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
