Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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