glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
