Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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