Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
