I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fill condoms, not promises.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
