Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
