Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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