The maid of honor just puked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
