That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What drink are we having for lunch?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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