Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
