hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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