I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
