Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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