but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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