Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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