Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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