I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
