we have officially lost it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
