It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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