My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
