she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone came in the potted fern
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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