woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
