Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
