paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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