Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
