He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
