Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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