He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
