ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
