God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
