Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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