By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
