Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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