Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
