I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
