He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
