PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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