dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
