yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
