dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I looked at my own cervix.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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