While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
