70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
