my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
