I cockslap morals
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
