ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
