trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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