I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
