I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
