I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
